How to Do Right When You’ve Been Wronged

Find the Motivation to Do Right in a World That Encourages Bad Behavior

Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them.
Romans‬ ‭12:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Essentially the Bible is saying, “When they go low, we go high.” Your priority as a child of God, no matter how you’re treated, should always be figuring out how you can do right by your brothers and sisters in Christ. It won’t be easy, but you can rise above the ways of the world and reach God’s grace with these four steps.

1. Acknowledge the Pain

Maybe your pride is telling you that you’re not in pain—pissed is more like it, huh? Well, the truth is that anger is usually just an aggressive expression of pain. It can be really hard to admit that someone hurt your feelings, or made you feel less than. Being treated with less respect than you deserve does not feel good. Do yourself a favor and acknowledge it. It’s the first step to getting over what happened.

2. Go to God for Healing

After you acknowledge the pain that someone else caused, it’s unlikely that your next thought is, “How can I do right by them?” It’s more likely that you’re making plans to get back at them. You want to make that person feel exactly how you’re feeling, because misery loves company. Because hurt people, hurt people.

[God] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3

If you want to feed the flesh, pursue vengeance. If you want to move on from this feeling, pursue righteousness. Share your thoughts and feelings with God. Depending on the level of pain and trauma, you may also want to seek professional counsel. God’s help can come in many forms. Let Him guide you through the process of healing.

3. Reconcile

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for God’s wrath and His judicial righteousness.
[Read Romans 12:17-21 to get the full scoop.]

After you take the time to reconcile your hurt feelings, it’s time to reconcile your relationship. Press pause on those prayers for God to pour out his wrath and vengeance on everyone who’s done you wrong. God’s wrath has already been poured out…on Jesus. 

If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12:18

Maybe this imperfect person will acknowledge that they’ve treated you less than perfect and apologize. That is their choice to make. Your choice, after you acknowledge the wrong done to you and the pain it caused, is whether or not you will forgive. This is not the time for you to point out someone’s else imperfections to make yourself feel better. This is the time for you to show some grace and forgiveness. Remember your own imperfections and the grace that God has shown you.

4. Do Right By the One Who Hurt You

Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them.
Romans‬ ‭12:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Treat people according to their Savior, not their sin. Do right by the God who washes away your wrongs. This is an opportunity for God to be seen through you.

Pray for them

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
Matthew 5:43-44

Help Them

If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;  if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.
Proverbs 25:21-22

Rejoice When They Grow

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Romans 12:15-16

Moment of Truth: These steps are not the natural response to being hurt. Pursuing righteousness rarely calls for a natural response. Walking with God is supposed to be counter-cultural. If you are in this courageous pursuit of righteousness, then you will be faced with some hard truths and even harder choices. If you want to be right, then you need to do right. As difficult as it is to believe, the pain you’re faced with is an opportunity for you to level up. Sometimes the pain of this life can bring you to your knees, but that also brings you closer to God.


2 Replies to “How to Do Right When You’ve Been Wronged”

  1. This is so good and so so hard! But ultimately so much better for everyone in the end. Awesome post!

  2. When we carry hurt and unforgiveness around, it’s like carrying rocks in a backpack. They weigh us down and keep us from moving forward into the present! Oh the freedom found in forgiveness and grace. Great post and look forward to connecting!


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